laughing at death in baltimore city is an every day activity
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4/22/07 I just got home, it's 0800 am EST, night shift is getting to me again, last night 5 of my 6 pt.s had HIV/AIDS all in various forms and stages. I hate that disease - I hate that virus, not even the most sick and deranged of us all deserve that fate. How do I just walk away in the morning, healthy, happy, back to my little world???? Working on my floor feels completely surreal sometimes, these things that should get to you you become immune to on some levels - but when it hits it hits hard. I can't even begin to list of the acronyms we use to describe someone's health status, their whole life gets chopped down into 3 and four letter codes for death or their own personal destruction through substance abuse. Chop chop chop, HTN, CVA, PVC, ETOH, IVDA, DM I, DMII, TMA, AKA, BKA, HL, PICC, SPB...just goes on and on. Some day, someone with describe me with a bunch of acronyms...and then I'll know it's time to go.
4/26/07 - As a side note - I woke up from a nap the day after posting this - from a terrible nightmare about work, that I walked into go to work at a group home type setting as a nurse and there were four people standing there - I couldn't even tell if they were male or female - all covered in bandages and open wounds, and I somehow knew that they were all full blown AIDS patients, and they started to attack me, biting and taking hunks of my body off, I cried out for help over and over and no one ever came.
5/22 last night I admitted someone dying of liver failure...his body was so f-ed up he was completely yellow and he couldn't hold any of this own fluid in, it just soaked right through his skin all night long. the only thing he said to me last night besides asking for pain medicine was that they should have left him to die in the street. I knew he wasn't going to make it through today...sure enough he vomited blood all over the room s/p a ruptured esophageal varacie...and died at 4:23 pm in a room by himself...no one ever came to see him, he didn't even want to know how to use the phone to call out. I wish there were ways to photograph these things, but you can't, wish people could see what's coming their way...
Comments
MH2 [deleted] says:
Painful to watch and read.
Posted 17 months ago.
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Yep, nobody said life had to be fair, and it
certainly isn't....hang on in there girl,
great image.
Posted 17 months ago.
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well done
--
Seen in my contacts' photos. (? )
Posted 17 months ago.
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hang on honey. I don't like it when they use
terminology to describe a patient...ie. here
is an AIDS or HIV patient, other than Ms.
Smith who needs our help to be as comfortable
as possible while she's here.
You are a strong woman and I know you will
handle this. the hospital needs people like
you.
Posted 17 months ago.
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Your image and your words put so much in
perspective.
Yes, you must be a very strong person to
face this disease
and those who suffer its ravages. I'm
certain that the patients
appreciate you, so much. It isn't an easy
thing to do -- to care
and to persevere in your profession -- but
thank goodness for people
like you who do so, day after day, and
night after night. May you
be successful in finding the peace you need
to continue.
Posted 17 months ago.
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Good shot.
I know your feelings, the language, and the
exhaustion that can come with working with
those who's lives have reached a tragic end.
Remember, each day brings with it fresh
opportunities.
Posted 17 months ago.
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I know how you feel. I'm a night-shift nurse
and it's hard separating your work world from
non-work world. You can try talk to
family/friends about it, but unless they've
been there, 99% of the time they can't really
understand.
Posted 17 months ago.
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yup.
{hugz}
Posted 17 months ago.
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creepy.
Posted 17 months ago.
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Very impressive image. We live in sad
world...
Posted 17 months ago.
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Sometimes in life we end up laughing at its
insanities rather than reacting to them in a
sad or angry manner. Not that we find them
funny, but the incomprehensibility of some
events makes it that way.
You really captured those emotions well in
this picture.
Posted 17 months ago.
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So poignant and so incredibly haunting, Liz.
I love your work because it feels so
personal, and so obviously contains a great
deal of yourself.
Posted 17 months ago.
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Geez, Liz. Sad. But you are ORGC (one
really groovy chick). (Sorry. Best I can do
to make you chuckle for a second.)
Posted 17 months ago.
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The term "Macabre" would seem to be
very applicable to this disturbing image.
Posted 17 months ago.
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thanks for all your kind words guys - going
back to school is going to be hard but I
think it will really help with my mental
status!
Posted 17 months ago.
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ouuuuuch... no wonder your images are so
full.. full of something, i don't know, only
you know that. full of your.. experiences.
sometimes i only write about it, but you live
next door to it, see its ravages daily.
is it easier if you don't think of them as
humans? i've heard several comments like
that before.
hm. just who are you? maybe your images
are the only thing to tell me. keep
shooting. i don't give a damn just keep
shooting.
Posted 16 months ago.
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